We made it! We survived the first year...and it has completely caught me off guard. We made it through so much...the delivery, the drive home, immunizations (I cried more the first time than you did), smiles, coos, laughs, sickness, sitting up, teeth, crawling, food, "school," swings, gym class, falls, first steps, first words (dada, mama followed shortly after, DA (you scream DA for "jacks" (jackson)). I thought I would feel nothing but happiness and anticipation for all the first that are still to come...and I do feel that. But I am also sad. My baby is a full fledged toddler who likes to do most things all by herself, with her mommy close by. Did I treasure all the "first" we have experienced enough? Sometimes it feels like the first year was a whirlwind and some details already escape me. Is someone speeding up the days, because a year has never gone by so fast before for me.
We are so lucky that our family and friends have supported us and coached us a lot through this first year. If it weren't for your Paw, MiMi, Booker, Aunts, Uncles, and ALL the cousins (you started your life with three cousins, and am ending the first year with five), I am not sure the first year would have seemed to go so smoothly!
I wish so much that your Nana was with us, mostly so I could tell her that I understand now. I understand how much a mother loves her child. I understand feeling everything your child feels, but somehow more intensely. And I wish I could hear her say I am doing OK, as a mom. I wish I could tell her I love her knowing what she felt for me, her daughter, knowing all she sacrificed to make sure that I was healthy, happy, and able to make my hopes come true. One day I hope you too will get to understand (not for a looong time though, say at least 30 years), and that when that day comes I will be here to tell you the details I do remember about this first year, about how great is has been.
Laura Elizabeth Rogers, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Thank you for an absolutely wonderful year. I hope it was wonderful for you. I already miss my baby, but am looking forward to all the great things you will learn and accomplish on our way to your next birthday...
Love,
Mommy
January 8, 2009
January 2010